Tears :'(

Ok, so this might get long, and it might get emotional, but I'm finally putting it out here because it's probably important that I talk about it.

My Grandpa is dying. He has leukemia, which is a form of blood or bone marrow cancer. I know it's a broad term, very unspecific as to what type exactly it is- I'll be honest, I am NOT going to ask my Grandpa at this point exactly what kind of leukemia he has. I might, at some point, ask my Aunts or Uncles because I am innately curious, and this might be important someday for me to know. Maybe.

I fucking HATE cancer. It is an awful, horrible thing and I don't think it's fair that it's taking the people I love and care about away from me. And it makes me cry and cry and cry.

So, Grandpa has less than six months to live, at least that is what the doctors say, and he is under hospice care at his (new) home with Grandma, Gaile & Pat. He is, as far as I can tell, pretty comfortable physically, and very very loved.

I just don't know how to deal with the fact that Grandpa is going on a trip without me and I'll never get to see him again, or hear his voice, or hug him. It's killing me on the inside, and it HURTS.

I can't imagine how my Aunts and Uncles feel, or how Grandma feels. I'm afraid to ask. But I wish I could do a huge group hug, and never let go.

SO. *uncomfortable silence* If you wanted to know how I'm doing, that pretty much sums it up. As an aside, it should probably be noted that I am dealing with fairly debilitating depression and have been for a while. All I am good for now is hiding out in my little house and petting the cats. That's about it. Oh! And hugs. I'm still good for that. It should also be noted that I have been *trying* to still make stuff. It is a bright spot in a sea of darkness. I try to infuse each piece I make with some good, HAPPY, juju. Baby steps, right?